Most of my life I have tried to be perfect…
I went out of my way to try and do anything and everything I could, for everyone…
I had this weird illusion that if I behaved like that then more people would like me…
The disillusioned thing I found, was that the more I tried to please everyone the less happy I became, and because they knew I would do anything most people just used me for what they could get out of me
Whether it was wedding cakes made and delivered, last minute batches of cup cakes, babysitting duties, supporting with assignment writing or just running them around in the car, everyone knew that I was incapable of saying no, so therefore they asked, and I said yes….
As the years went on, I grew more and more tried from it, and more and more used, because when I was struggling these people all conveniently disappeared… funny that?
Then a few years ago I hit a brick wall and found out who my real friends were, and the funny thing is, not one of them wanted a birthday cake, a babysitter or a lift somewhere!
And from that point I started slowly learning to say ‘no’ and in honesty some people didn’t like it, some people just totally vanished, some people slowly ciphered off and some just didn’t care and wanted me for who I was
The problem is that perfect is totally overrated as its literally a perception
Being a perception it varies from person to person… so actually, you can never be perfect, because perfect by one standard is imperfect by another…
So learning to find some inner peace and surrounding yourself with core people that just love you for your own crazy ways is a much better way forward…
Easy ways to start saying no:
1) identify the things that make you happy that you currently have no time for, start by allocating yourself 30 minutes or an hour a week to enjoy one of those things – no interruptions
2) when people say ‘could you….’ Just say ‘no I can’t’ (don’t apologise or offer another day), you cannot argue with ‘no’, if they keep trying say you are busy
3) Before saying yes/offering consider if there are things you will regret not doing instead
4) remember – There is nothing wrong with helping others, it just shouldn’t be at the expense of your own happiness
5) If you have particular people in your life who always ask for things/favours/help but never give back or answer calls when you need something it may be time to consider if this relationship is beneficial to your well-being